A few days ago, I posted the following on my blog:
For the past few months, I’ve heard several people toss around the phrase “life changing” to describe certain opportunities to understand and serve God…the most obvious being my trip to Guatemala. They claim that these experiences will completely alter our perspectives on who we are and who God is. I used to believe this was possible, and sought after it as often as I could…and each time I did I was met with failure. Now, I’m skeptical of anything that claims to have that power; I’m not even sure I buy the infamous transformation that takes place when one accepts Jesus as their savior. Maybe it’s because I’ve been a Christian all my life and, thus, never experienced it for myself, but I just don’t think it’s possible. At least not overnight.
I don’t doubt in God’s power or His love for us; I know that if He wants us to know Him, He will find a way to reveal Himself to us. I’m just saying that relationships take time to mature; and God may already know who we are and love us, but we need time to do the same. Wouldn’t it be an insult to God if we didn’t?
Who we are today is based on years of experiences, one event isn’t going to erase all that…at least no good event. In my experience, it takes a lot more effort to change for the better than for the worse; I guess it’s because evil is so dominate in this world. When one tries to become…say, more like Christ, it’s difficult because we aren’t used to that kind of life. We’re used to sin. Sure, we may start off well enough; but the second things start to become difficult, we struggle…and that’s just the beginning.
As for Guatemala…I don’t regret going. It was an amazing trip and I’m glad I was able to help, but could those people, who’ve committed their whole lives to following their own culture and traditions, so easily turn to Christ after just a few hours of conversation?
Hence why my world wasn’t turned upside down upon my return, if anything I think it might have put some distance between me and God because we were placing more emphasis on building the stoves and shopping than evangelizing.
Kurt Cameron is in town and will be hosting a seminar this weekend. His plug: it will be a life changing experience. He acknowledges that this has been said a lot, but that this will be different. Then again, aren’t they all?
Maybe it’s me; maybe I’m too enamored with the world and with my own sin to have a genuine life changing experience. Maybe I need to find a more diverse group of Christians, one who has experienced said change. Or maybe instead of looking for that one thing that will revolutionize my relationship with God, focus on the little things that will slowly (ugh) but surely bring me closer to Him.
I don't want this post to discourage anyone, I'm just getting really tired of hearing people say that. Feel free to prove me wrong; but untill then I ask that God would grant us all patience, because as much as we’d prefer a “quick fix,” the world simply doesn’t work that way.
When I woke up this morning I still believed this, that it wasn't possible for someone to experience real change. And God saw this, He sensed my doubt and rather than let it pass He decided to do something about it. So tonight, as I attended a bible study here in Arlington God...He healed me. Rest assured, I wasn't sick or injured in any way. But...for the longest time it seemed like there was a battle waging inside my head. I would hear voices telling me that I wasn't good enough and that I never would be, voices contradicting me and never letting me go one minute without reminding myself how much of a failure I was. Call them my inner demons I suppose, or my low self-esteem; either way I was losing it. I almost killed myself because of it. But tonight, when I decided to stop fighting and give it all to God, it actually happened. At first I didn't know what happened; I just remember it getting really quiet. Then I realized: those voices that have plagued me over the years, that pain I'd been holding onto was gone. It was like someone had just flipped a switch. To be honest it's...really weird; but at the same time it's such a relief. To have that peace, that confidence for me is a miracle.
God is alive and active in each of our lives, He is constantly changing us from who we are into someone we never thought we could be. Believe it. Believe in Him, and you'll be surprised at what He accomplishes through you.
I kept the bolded portion so you could see the before and after, and know that I didn't just make this up on the spot. Although I kind of went off topic near the end, you hopefully get what I'm saying: that God proved me wrong, and that I'm so glad He did. Praise God!
Monday, September 10, 2007
Thursday, August 2, 2007
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
...for reason
I was watching a makeshift video for Casting Crown's "I'll Praise You in this Storm" (great song by the way) and underneath was a note from someone who found it by mistake, but was so moved by the video that he began rethinking his life and started going to church. Over time He began to see the truth and has now put His faith in Christ. Although I can't say for sure why henderlovesjuesus posted this video, I doubt he thought that something like this would happen.
I just thought this was so amazing, that God was able to use something that seemed so small and insignificant to bring glory to His name.
The song itself is very powerful as it reminds us to look to Jesus, to praise Him even if things aren't working out the way we hoped they would. I've struggled with this my whole life, as I taught myself early on to block everything out until the problem blows over.
But what if it didn't just blow over, what if the problem stuck with you and refused to let go until you did something about it?
Now I'm learning to turn to Jesus, which isn't easy but has helped me come to some much needed closure regarding certain aspects of my life. I've even begun to praise God for some of them, as I realize how all this fits in with my growth and development.
Looking back I see how these situations have helped me, but after reading that post I wonder if they have helped anyone else. It's certainly possible, we've all seen God do it one way or another. It's like that saying "in China, whenever a butterfly beats its wings it creates a tornado here in the US" (or something like it); only it's more than just a plot for some lame time-travel movie.
This post seems to be going all over the place, so I'll just say God Bless and call it a night. But before I do, please pray that VBS would have the same impact on the children there.
I just thought this was so amazing, that God was able to use something that seemed so small and insignificant to bring glory to His name.
The song itself is very powerful as it reminds us to look to Jesus, to praise Him even if things aren't working out the way we hoped they would. I've struggled with this my whole life, as I taught myself early on to block everything out until the problem blows over.
But what if it didn't just blow over, what if the problem stuck with you and refused to let go until you did something about it?
Now I'm learning to turn to Jesus, which isn't easy but has helped me come to some much needed closure regarding certain aspects of my life. I've even begun to praise God for some of them, as I realize how all this fits in with my growth and development.
Looking back I see how these situations have helped me, but after reading that post I wonder if they have helped anyone else. It's certainly possible, we've all seen God do it one way or another. It's like that saying "in China, whenever a butterfly beats its wings it creates a tornado here in the US" (or something like it); only it's more than just a plot for some lame time-travel movie.
This post seems to be going all over the place, so I'll just say God Bless and call it a night. But before I do, please pray that VBS would have the same impact on the children there.
Sunday, June 24, 2007
...for some sympathy
I know I'm going to sound like a total hypocrite (especially after that last post); but lately it's been getting harder for me to forgive others for the atrocities they've committed.
On Friday, a church in Saginaw was vandalized; and had it not been for the timely arrival of the fire department it probably would have burned to the ground. It turns out that someone deliberately set the church ablaze, and that they also took the time to turn all the crosses upside down (I'm sure you know what that means), sacrifice an animal, and ensure that the pulpit was the first to go up in flames.
The story hit the news not too long ago, and I'm still reeling. Why anyone would do this, why anyone would desecrate a place considered sacred to so many is beyond me. I know this isn't the first time something like this has happened (or the last), but you would think that people would have learned by now.
Although they've suffered a blow, the congregation remains hopeful; and so should we. But please pray that the church will be able to recover and rebuild, and that the people responsible will be caught.
While you're praying for them, why not mention the flood victims in North Texas, the wildfire survivors in Alaska, and, of course, our soldiers fighting in Iraq. Also, there's the train wreck that is my family; if you could pray that we get through the next couple of weeks I'd really appreciate it.
I hate to do this, but this week really sucked. It's bad enough we have men murdering their families and faulty equipment leaving 13 year old girls without any feet to stand on (literally), but now it seems Mother Nature has turned against us (when it's flooding in Texas during the summer you know there's a problem). Is this supposed to be a test of our faith, or punishment for our actions? Either way, God help us.
On Friday, a church in Saginaw was vandalized; and had it not been for the timely arrival of the fire department it probably would have burned to the ground. It turns out that someone deliberately set the church ablaze, and that they also took the time to turn all the crosses upside down (I'm sure you know what that means), sacrifice an animal, and ensure that the pulpit was the first to go up in flames.
The story hit the news not too long ago, and I'm still reeling. Why anyone would do this, why anyone would desecrate a place considered sacred to so many is beyond me. I know this isn't the first time something like this has happened (or the last), but you would think that people would have learned by now.
Although they've suffered a blow, the congregation remains hopeful; and so should we. But please pray that the church will be able to recover and rebuild, and that the people responsible will be caught.
While you're praying for them, why not mention the flood victims in North Texas, the wildfire survivors in Alaska, and, of course, our soldiers fighting in Iraq. Also, there's the train wreck that is my family; if you could pray that we get through the next couple of weeks I'd really appreciate it.
I hate to do this, but this week really sucked. It's bad enough we have men murdering their families and faulty equipment leaving 13 year old girls without any feet to stand on (literally), but now it seems Mother Nature has turned against us (when it's flooding in Texas during the summer you know there's a problem). Is this supposed to be a test of our faith, or punishment for our actions? Either way, God help us.
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
...for the answers
For the past few months I have been getting mixed messages from my family, my friends, and from certain "authority figures" on how/if I should continue to pursue my relationship with God. Some tell me that I expect too much of myself, of all of us, and that I should back off. Some say that I haven't done enough, and that I should try harder if I'm really want to serve God. Personally, I believe that I'm far from what God expects me to be, and that I need to start getting serious if I want my life and my relationship with Him to change. So why do people, why do other Christians give me such a hard time for attempting to do this? Yes, I know I'm not perfect and that I'll never be perfect no matter what I do; but that shouldn't stop me from trying to do what God's asked. And if it wasn't at least possible to follow God's commandments, then why would He give them to us in the first place?
I'm not talking about giving away everything I own or moving half-way across the world to serve in some third world country (although that is a possibility), I'm simply talking about applying Jesus' teaching to my everyday life. Even more than that, I'm talking about following the Bible word for word, and not just pick and choose what I want to do. I know there are a lot of "grey areas" in the Bible, and in those cases it would be a judgment call; but now people consider every aspect a "grey area" because the world has changed so much since the Bible was first written. But God wouldn't have kept His Word alive or let us live this long if the Bible was in danger of becoming outdated, so doesn't that mean that it's still applicable in this day and age?
If so, then what do we do? I've learned that we're supposed to love each other, and forgive one another no matter what, that we should be more cautious about how we choose to live, and, most of all, that we should continue to rely on God for our every need. But I know a lot of believers who refuse to do this because it's hard or inconvenient for them to fully commit. I know...I used to be one of them; even now there are things I'm hesitant to do but have tried to be more open towards. Why? Because the Bible says to "seek God with all our hearts, all our minds, and all our strength." I'm not saying that if I don't go to church every week or pray every night I'm going to hell; but how can I say I love the Lord if I choose to ignore Him? Besides, isn't it easier to forgive someone who's wronged you than to waste time and energy carrying a grudge, and would it really kill you to put some money in the collection plate?
Or, is it too much? Is it foolish for me to try so hard to keep the Lord's commandments? Am I being too conservative or too strict? When I look over what I just wrote, I realize how insane I sound (I mean...wow, I think I'll erase this before anyone sees what a nut I am); so will someone please tell me what I'm supposed to do. Because, barring any accidents or the apocalypse, it looks like I'm going to be here for a while.
I'm not talking about giving away everything I own or moving half-way across the world to serve in some third world country (although that is a possibility), I'm simply talking about applying Jesus' teaching to my everyday life. Even more than that, I'm talking about following the Bible word for word, and not just pick and choose what I want to do. I know there are a lot of "grey areas" in the Bible, and in those cases it would be a judgment call; but now people consider every aspect a "grey area" because the world has changed so much since the Bible was first written. But God wouldn't have kept His Word alive or let us live this long if the Bible was in danger of becoming outdated, so doesn't that mean that it's still applicable in this day and age?
If so, then what do we do? I've learned that we're supposed to love each other, and forgive one another no matter what, that we should be more cautious about how we choose to live, and, most of all, that we should continue to rely on God for our every need. But I know a lot of believers who refuse to do this because it's hard or inconvenient for them to fully commit. I know...I used to be one of them; even now there are things I'm hesitant to do but have tried to be more open towards. Why? Because the Bible says to "seek God with all our hearts, all our minds, and all our strength." I'm not saying that if I don't go to church every week or pray every night I'm going to hell; but how can I say I love the Lord if I choose to ignore Him? Besides, isn't it easier to forgive someone who's wronged you than to waste time and energy carrying a grudge, and would it really kill you to put some money in the collection plate?
Or, is it too much? Is it foolish for me to try so hard to keep the Lord's commandments? Am I being too conservative or too strict? When I look over what I just wrote, I realize how insane I sound (I mean...wow, I think I'll erase this before anyone sees what a nut I am); so will someone please tell me what I'm supposed to do. Because, barring any accidents or the apocalypse, it looks like I'm going to be here for a while.
Saturday, April 28, 2007
...for confirmation
The Moment of Truth
No one is here to tell me what to say or to think. Hardly anyone is going to read this. It’s just me, so there is no need to lie or exaggerate. So, here goes:
Why am I a Christian?
Honestly, I don’t know. Obviously, God wanted me to become one, to accept Jesus as my Lord and Savior and ask for His forgiveness. But why did I do it? How did I come to the conclusion that I needed to be saved and that Jesus was the only one who could do it? I was just a kid. I didn’t know who He was or what He wanted, and I still don’t (not entirely). Was it my mother? Did I feel obligated to please her, or was God already working in my heart? Again, I was just a kid. I didn’t know what was going on and I didn’t care because I was too wrapped up in myself. Fifteen years later, nothing has changed. I'm still the same self-centered person I always was. The only difference is: now I’m old enough to know what’s right and what’s wrong, so I can no longer try to justify or excuse my behavior. When I first realized I was a sinner I wanted to ignore it, and for years I tried to hide but never could. God wouldn’t allow it. He showed me that the only thing I could do was take responsibility for my actions, but I was so afraid of how my parents would react that I refused to say anything to them. So, when I was twelve years old I turned to God, confident that He would forgive me and love me regardless of what I’ve done. For years, that was all I needed; so I didn’t bother pursuing God any further because knowing I was saved was enough. I continued to live in sin, and even though I knew in my gut that what I was doing was wrong I didn’t try to stop. I didn’t want to stop. It was all I had. Even though I was embarrassed, mortified even by the things I was doing, I couldn’t give it up because for a split second it made me feel...whole. Over time I realized that Satan had lied to me, tricked me so he could seize control of my mind and body. I was completely at his mercy and I hated it. I wanted out and so, once again, I turned to God. But my old standards weren’t enough this time, God demanded more and after fighting it for a while I finally agreed to do it His way. I started reading His word and, more importantly, I sought ways to apply it to my life. It hasn’t been easy. To this day I continue to stumble and fall, but I press on because now I understand how important it is.
So what do I believe?
I believe that there is one God and that He is responsible for the creation of the universe and everyone in it. I believe that He is all powerful and all knowing, but despite His incredible might He possesses a love for us that surpasses all understanding. He loves us so much that when humanity was infected with sin He took action by sending His one and only son to save us. Jesus, the Messiah who was perfect from birth, endured a horrific death so that the debt would be paid and we would be set free. I believe that when one forges a relationship with Jesus they are able to accept this and turn from their sins so they can live to glorify God.
Why, because over the past 19 years God has revealed it to me through the teachings in His Word and the experiences in my own life. I’ve seen how powerful and how influential God is; I’ve witnessed His glory firsthand. But, most of all, it’s because He’s shown me mercy when I didn’t deserve it and love when I didn’t believe in it. He’s my teacher, my brother, and my best friend. How can I deny Him my complete love and devotion when He has given it to me? Although it was forced at first, now I want to serve Him. I want to make God proud. Also, I believe because I have to. Without God, my life has no purpose and no direction because I've been corrupted by sin. Without God, I’m a slave to Satan and subject to his will. He’s already ruined my life; I don’t want him to ruin my afterlife as well.
Am I right? I don’t know. Is it real? I hope so. Lately, people have challenged what I believe and why, so I needed to sit down and figure it out for myself. I should have done it a long time ago, but better late than never.
So where do I go from here? Obviously, I continue to seek God so I may grow in my faith and as a person. I continue so that my life may bring glory to God.
Wish me luck.
No one is here to tell me what to say or to think. Hardly anyone is going to read this. It’s just me, so there is no need to lie or exaggerate. So, here goes:
Why am I a Christian?
Honestly, I don’t know. Obviously, God wanted me to become one, to accept Jesus as my Lord and Savior and ask for His forgiveness. But why did I do it? How did I come to the conclusion that I needed to be saved and that Jesus was the only one who could do it? I was just a kid. I didn’t know who He was or what He wanted, and I still don’t (not entirely). Was it my mother? Did I feel obligated to please her, or was God already working in my heart? Again, I was just a kid. I didn’t know what was going on and I didn’t care because I was too wrapped up in myself. Fifteen years later, nothing has changed. I'm still the same self-centered person I always was. The only difference is: now I’m old enough to know what’s right and what’s wrong, so I can no longer try to justify or excuse my behavior. When I first realized I was a sinner I wanted to ignore it, and for years I tried to hide but never could. God wouldn’t allow it. He showed me that the only thing I could do was take responsibility for my actions, but I was so afraid of how my parents would react that I refused to say anything to them. So, when I was twelve years old I turned to God, confident that He would forgive me and love me regardless of what I’ve done. For years, that was all I needed; so I didn’t bother pursuing God any further because knowing I was saved was enough. I continued to live in sin, and even though I knew in my gut that what I was doing was wrong I didn’t try to stop. I didn’t want to stop. It was all I had. Even though I was embarrassed, mortified even by the things I was doing, I couldn’t give it up because for a split second it made me feel...whole. Over time I realized that Satan had lied to me, tricked me so he could seize control of my mind and body. I was completely at his mercy and I hated it. I wanted out and so, once again, I turned to God. But my old standards weren’t enough this time, God demanded more and after fighting it for a while I finally agreed to do it His way. I started reading His word and, more importantly, I sought ways to apply it to my life. It hasn’t been easy. To this day I continue to stumble and fall, but I press on because now I understand how important it is.
So what do I believe?
I believe that there is one God and that He is responsible for the creation of the universe and everyone in it. I believe that He is all powerful and all knowing, but despite His incredible might He possesses a love for us that surpasses all understanding. He loves us so much that when humanity was infected with sin He took action by sending His one and only son to save us. Jesus, the Messiah who was perfect from birth, endured a horrific death so that the debt would be paid and we would be set free. I believe that when one forges a relationship with Jesus they are able to accept this and turn from their sins so they can live to glorify God.
Why, because over the past 19 years God has revealed it to me through the teachings in His Word and the experiences in my own life. I’ve seen how powerful and how influential God is; I’ve witnessed His glory firsthand. But, most of all, it’s because He’s shown me mercy when I didn’t deserve it and love when I didn’t believe in it. He’s my teacher, my brother, and my best friend. How can I deny Him my complete love and devotion when He has given it to me? Although it was forced at first, now I want to serve Him. I want to make God proud. Also, I believe because I have to. Without God, my life has no purpose and no direction because I've been corrupted by sin. Without God, I’m a slave to Satan and subject to his will. He’s already ruined my life; I don’t want him to ruin my afterlife as well.
Am I right? I don’t know. Is it real? I hope so. Lately, people have challenged what I believe and why, so I needed to sit down and figure it out for myself. I should have done it a long time ago, but better late than never.
So where do I go from here? Obviously, I continue to seek God so I may grow in my faith and as a person. I continue so that my life may bring glory to God.
Wish me luck.
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
...for hope
For months I've struggled to come up with something worthy to write about; and even though I would rather post something a little more cheerful, at this point I'm too frustrated to care.
Why? We all heard what happened at Virginia Tech, but any immediate news coverage of the tragedy was focused more on the psychopath that killed them or the authority figures who "let it happen" (their rationale, not mine) than on the men, women, and children who lost their lives that day.
Although I didn't know anyone who was caught in the crossfire, that didn't make it any less real for me. These people deserve to be remembered. I know this may not make it on the front page of USA Today but I hope those who read this will see just what it is we lost: children who had their whole lives ahead of them, souls that had yet to witness the glory of God, heroes who were overthrown by the forces of evil, one of us.
So, in memory:
Ross Alameddine / G.V. Loganathan
Jamie Bishop / Partahi Lumbantoruan
Brian Bluhm / Daniel O'Neil
Ryan Clark / Juan Ortiz
Austin Cloyd / Minal Panchal
Jocelyne Couture-Nowak / Erin Peterson
Daniel Perez Cueva / Michael Pohle Jr.
Kevin Granata / Julia Pryde
Matthew Gwaltney / Mary Karen Read
Caitlin Hammaren / Reema Samaha
Jeremy Herbstritt / Waaleed Shaalan
Rachael Hill / Leslie Sherman
Emily Hilscher / Maxine Turner
Jarrett Lane / Nicole White
Matthew La Porte / Lauren McCain
Henry Lee
Liviu Librescu, a teacher, was willing to hold the door to his classroom shut while his students escaped.
Also, I would also like to lift up fellow LH '06 graduate Greg Rossiter, who died in a car accident last Thursday. He went to UNT and was close friends with Melissa and her boyfriend, Kyle so please pray for them.
Lord, I ask that your grace would extend to the families and friends of those who died so that they will find comfort during this difficult time. Help them to seek you, to lean on you so that they can find peace with what happened and start putting their lives back together.
Rest in peace my friends.
Amen.
Why? We all heard what happened at Virginia Tech, but any immediate news coverage of the tragedy was focused more on the psychopath that killed them or the authority figures who "let it happen" (their rationale, not mine) than on the men, women, and children who lost their lives that day.
Although I didn't know anyone who was caught in the crossfire, that didn't make it any less real for me. These people deserve to be remembered. I know this may not make it on the front page of USA Today but I hope those who read this will see just what it is we lost: children who had their whole lives ahead of them, souls that had yet to witness the glory of God, heroes who were overthrown by the forces of evil, one of us.
So, in memory:
Ross Alameddine / G.V. Loganathan
Jamie Bishop / Partahi Lumbantoruan
Brian Bluhm / Daniel O'Neil
Ryan Clark / Juan Ortiz
Austin Cloyd / Minal Panchal
Jocelyne Couture-Nowak / Erin Peterson
Daniel Perez Cueva / Michael Pohle Jr.
Kevin Granata / Julia Pryde
Matthew Gwaltney / Mary Karen Read
Caitlin Hammaren / Reema Samaha
Jeremy Herbstritt / Waaleed Shaalan
Rachael Hill / Leslie Sherman
Emily Hilscher / Maxine Turner
Jarrett Lane / Nicole White
Matthew La Porte / Lauren McCain
Henry Lee
Liviu Librescu, a teacher, was willing to hold the door to his classroom shut while his students escaped.
Also, I would also like to lift up fellow LH '06 graduate Greg Rossiter, who died in a car accident last Thursday. He went to UNT and was close friends with Melissa and her boyfriend, Kyle so please pray for them.
Lord, I ask that your grace would extend to the families and friends of those who died so that they will find comfort during this difficult time. Help them to seek you, to lean on you so that they can find peace with what happened and start putting their lives back together.
Rest in peace my friends.
Amen.
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