...for real change

A few days ago, I posted the following on my blog:
For the past few months, I’ve heard several people toss around the phrase “life changing” to describe certain opportunities to understand and serve God…the most obvious being my trip to Guatemala. They claim that these experiences will completely alter our perspectives on who we are and who God is. I used to believe this was possible, and sought after it as often as I could…and each time I did I was met with failure. Now, I’m skeptical of anything that claims to have that power; I’m not even sure I buy the infamous transformation that takes place when one accepts Jesus as their savior. Maybe it’s because I’ve been a Christian all my life and, thus, never experienced it for myself, but I just don’t think it’s possible. At least not overnight.
I don’t doubt in God’s power or His love for us; I know that if He wants us to know Him, He will find a way to reveal Himself to us. I’m just saying that relationships take time to mature; and God may already know who we are and love us, but we need time to do the same. Wouldn’t it be an insult to God if we didn’t?
Who we are today is based on years of experiences, one event isn’t going to erase all that…at least no good event. In my experience, it takes a lot more effort to change for the better than for the worse; I guess it’s because evil is so dominate in this world. When one tries to become…say, more like Christ, it’s difficult because we aren’t used to that kind of life. We’re used to sin. Sure, we may start off well enough; but the second things start to become difficult, we struggle…and that’s just the beginning.
As for Guatemala…I don’t regret going. It was an amazing trip and I’m glad I was able to help, but could those people, who’ve committed their whole lives to following their own culture and traditions, so easily turn to Christ after just a few hours of conversation?
Hence why my world wasn’t turned upside down upon my return, if anything I think it might have put some distance between me and God because we were placing more emphasis on building the stoves and shopping than evangelizing.
Kurt Cameron is in town and will be hosting a seminar this weekend. His plug: it will be a life changing experience. He acknowledges that this has been said a lot, but that this will be different. Then again, aren’t they all?
Maybe it’s me; maybe I’m too enamored with the world and with my own sin to have a genuine life changing experience. Maybe I need to find a more diverse group of Christians, one who has experienced said change. Or maybe instead of looking for that one thing that will revolutionize my relationship with God, focus on the little things that will slowly (ugh) but surely bring me closer to Him.
I don't want this post to discourage anyone, I'm just getting really tired of hearing people say that. Feel free to prove me wrong; but untill then I ask that God would grant us all patience, because as much as we’d prefer a “quick fix,” the world simply doesn’t work that way.
When I woke up this morning I still believed this, that it wasn't possible for someone to experience real change. And God saw this, He sensed my doubt and rather than let it pass He decided to do something about it. So tonight, as I attended a bible study here in Arlington God...He healed me. Rest assured, I wasn't sick or injured in any way. But...for the longest time it seemed like there was a battle waging inside my head. I would hear voices telling me that I wasn't good enough and that I never would be, voices contradicting me and never letting me go one minute without reminding myself how much of a failure I was. Call them my inner demons I suppose, or my low self-esteem; either way I was losing it. I almost killed myself because of it. But tonight, when I decided to stop fighting and give it all to God, it actually happened. At first I didn't know what happened; I just remember it getting really quiet. Then I realized: those voices that have plagued me over the years, that pain I'd been holding onto was gone. It was like someone had just flipped a switch. To be honest it's...really weird; but at the same time it's such a relief. To have that peace, that confidence for me is a miracle.
God is alive and active in each of our lives, He is constantly changing us from who we are into someone we never thought we could be. Believe it. Believe in Him, and you'll be surprised at what He accomplishes through you.
I kept the bolded portion so you could see the before and after, and know that I didn't just make this up on the spot. Although I kind of went off topic near the end, you hopefully get what I'm saying: that God proved me wrong, and that I'm so glad He did. Praise God!