...for quality

Even though my blog has long been forgotten, I will continue to write because, if anything, it gives me the chance to open up and be completely honest about myself...something I can't seem to do out there in the real world.
I'll admit, I've been more open these past few months than ever before; but the truth is I've only scratched the surface of what's really going on with me. I've shared bits and pieces with those closest to me, but I have yet to find someone I can share everything with.
I hate it. I hate lying to everyone and I hate forcing myself to hold back whenever someone asks me how I'm doing.
But it's not just about sharing my deep, dark secrets. Among other things, I long to tell my friends and family just how much they mean to me. I love them, more than they know, but can't bring myself to tell them. What's worse is they start to think I don't care and pull back. They move on and forget about it, and I'm left kicking myself, wondering what might have been had I not been such a coward.
This has become more evident now that I'm leaving UTA and La Madeline. I made a lot of friends in Arlington, but I fear none of these friendships will last because I couldn't be honest about how I felt about them. They probably thought I was bored, when the truth is my heart leapt in my chest every time I saw them.
I want my time at DBU to be different. Even though I'm thankful for everyone I met, I desire quality in my relationships...not quantity. I'd rather have one person I trusted with everything then 100 "friends" who were only familiar with the mask I hide behind. Pray that I find that.
What about God? Does He know how much I love Him? Do any of you? Even though our relationship is between me and Him do I at least act like I love Him? Either way, pray it would be seen more clearly.