...for confirmation

The Moment of Truth

No one is here to tell me what to say or to think. Hardly anyone is going to read this. It’s just me, so there is no need to lie or exaggerate. So, here goes:

Why am I a Christian?

Honestly, I don’t know. Obviously, God wanted me to become one, to accept Jesus as my Lord and Savior and ask for His forgiveness. But why did I do it? How did I come to the conclusion that I needed to be saved and that Jesus was the only one who could do it? I was just a kid. I didn’t know who He was or what He wanted, and I still don’t (not entirely). Was it my mother? Did I feel obligated to please her, or was God already working in my heart? Again, I was just a kid. I didn’t know what was going on and I didn’t care because I was too wrapped up in myself. Fifteen years later, nothing has changed. I'm still the same self-centered person I always was. The only difference is: now I’m old enough to know what’s right and what’s wrong, so I can no longer try to justify or excuse my behavior. When I first realized I was a sinner I wanted to ignore it, and for years I tried to hide but never could. God wouldn’t allow it. He showed me that the only thing I could do was take responsibility for my actions, but I was so afraid of how my parents would react that I refused to say anything to them. So, when I was twelve years old I turned to God, confident that He would forgive me and love me regardless of what I’ve done. For years, that was all I needed; so I didn’t bother pursuing God any further because knowing I was saved was enough. I continued to live in sin, and even though I knew in my gut that what I was doing was wrong I didn’t try to stop. I didn’t want to stop. It was all I had. Even though I was embarrassed, mortified even by the things I was doing, I couldn’t give it up because for a split second it made me feel...whole. Over time I realized that Satan had lied to me, tricked me so he could seize control of my mind and body. I was completely at his mercy and I hated it. I wanted out and so, once again, I turned to God. But my old standards weren’t enough this time, God demanded more and after fighting it for a while I finally agreed to do it His way. I started reading His word and, more importantly, I sought ways to apply it to my life. It hasn’t been easy. To this day I continue to stumble and fall, but I press on because now I understand how important it is.

So what do I believe?
I believe that there is one God and that He is responsible for the creation of the universe and everyone in it. I believe that He is all powerful and all knowing, but despite His incredible might He possesses a love for us that surpasses all understanding. He loves us so much that when humanity was infected with sin He took action by sending His one and only son to save us. Jesus, the Messiah who was perfect from birth, endured a horrific death so that the debt would be paid and we would be set free. I believe that when one forges a relationship with Jesus they are able to accept this and turn from their sins so they can live to glorify God.

Why, because over the past 19 years God has revealed it to me through the teachings in His Word and the experiences in my own life. I’ve seen how powerful and how influential God is; I’ve witnessed His glory firsthand. But, most of all, it’s because He’s shown me mercy when I didn’t deserve it and love when I didn’t believe in it. He’s my teacher, my brother, and my best friend. How can I deny Him my complete love and devotion when He has given it to me? Although it was forced at first, now I want to serve Him. I want to make God proud. Also, I believe because I have to. Without God, my life has no purpose and no direction because I've been corrupted by sin. Without God, I’m a slave to Satan and subject to his will. He’s already ruined my life; I don’t want him to ruin my afterlife as well.

Am I right? I don’t know. Is it real? I hope so. Lately, people have challenged what I believe and why, so I needed to sit down and figure it out for myself. I should have done it a long time ago, but better late than never.

So where do I go from here? Obviously, I continue to seek God so I may grow in my faith and as a person. I continue so that my life may bring glory to God.

Wish me luck.