I consider this an extention to my last post, because it all seems to relate to my inability to stop analyzing ever single aspect of my life.
Before, I applied it to forgiveness and wondered if it was possible to give it without thinking of a reason or an excuse. Now, I'm applying it to my faith in God as a whole.
Is it possible to trust God completely?
For others...yes. I've seen it. For me...I'm not so sure.
I don't know if it resulted from a desire to know or define myself, but at some point I started analyzing every facet of my life, my motives, my relationships, etc. I would tear these things apart, examine every detail untill I could find a reason for it all. So far God has been willing to bless me with understanding for why/how a lot of things have happened, but I fear this has ultimately hurt my relationship with Him. It has prevented me from trusting in Him, to the point where I have to talk myself into fullfilling His will as I know it from studying His Word. I have to outweigh the good and the bad, consider every possible option before I'm finally willing to act on what I know. And if I feel called or led by God to do something I don't understand I panic and try to make a run for it. While I'm running, I convince myself it's just me being an idiot and not really from God, and try to forget it ever happened.
To this I say: ENOUGH!
How can I serve God and witness to others if I let my fears and compulsions rule me? How can I "speak in other tongues" and "heal the sick" if I have to explain it? God exists and works outside my realm of understanding, I need to accept that and just trust Him.
For the two or three people who still read this, please pray that I let go and submit my mind and my understanding to God.
Sunday, April 13, 2008
Saturday, April 5, 2008
...for compassion
For once, I'm writing because I seek the answer to a question:
how do we know if/when we have truly forgiven someone?
Lately I've found myself constantly defending other people's behavior to my friends, family, and co-workers. I make excuses, saying that there's more going on than meets the eye and we should respect that. I tell my co-workers that a rude employee is probably having a rough day. I tell my sister that our stubborn father had a difficult childhood. Hell, once I even tried to be objective about a group of self proclaimed Christians who think the war in Iraq is punishment for the spread of homosexuality in America.
At first I thought I was doing what Jesus did, I thought I was showing these people love and mercy by standing up for them. But then I think about how Jesus interacted with the sinners he helped/healed/ministered to/etc. and I wonder if that's really what I'm doing. Jesus didn't try to explain away their behavior, He simply forgave them. He knew of their sins and He loved them regardless, while I have to come up with an excuse.
I think I've been taking the easy way out: giving myself a reason to forgive when there really isn't one...except, of course, to honor God's command that we should love one another as we love ourselves.
When Adam and Eve sinned, God didn't argue with Satan and try to place all the blame on him. He acknowledged their sins, just as he acknowledges all of ours...but he loves us just the same. So much that He provided a solution in His son, whose death on the cross wiped the slate clean. We are now holy in God's eyes, so He doesn't have to argue when we sin. We're simply forgiven.
I want to be able to forgive and forget, to let go of all the crap other people put me and my loved ones through. But to do this I've always needed a reason...even if it isn't necessarily true. When I don't or can't think of one, I get frustrated and let my anger eat away at my insides.
Is it even possible to truly forgive someone? If so, what does it look like? Do we actually have to forget in order to forgive someone, or can we remember and simply find a way to let it go?
Any thoughts?
how do we know if/when we have truly forgiven someone?
Lately I've found myself constantly defending other people's behavior to my friends, family, and co-workers. I make excuses, saying that there's more going on than meets the eye and we should respect that. I tell my co-workers that a rude employee is probably having a rough day. I tell my sister that our stubborn father had a difficult childhood. Hell, once I even tried to be objective about a group of self proclaimed Christians who think the war in Iraq is punishment for the spread of homosexuality in America.
At first I thought I was doing what Jesus did, I thought I was showing these people love and mercy by standing up for them. But then I think about how Jesus interacted with the sinners he helped/healed/ministered to/etc. and I wonder if that's really what I'm doing. Jesus didn't try to explain away their behavior, He simply forgave them. He knew of their sins and He loved them regardless, while I have to come up with an excuse.
I think I've been taking the easy way out: giving myself a reason to forgive when there really isn't one...except, of course, to honor God's command that we should love one another as we love ourselves.
When Adam and Eve sinned, God didn't argue with Satan and try to place all the blame on him. He acknowledged their sins, just as he acknowledges all of ours...but he loves us just the same. So much that He provided a solution in His son, whose death on the cross wiped the slate clean. We are now holy in God's eyes, so He doesn't have to argue when we sin. We're simply forgiven.
I want to be able to forgive and forget, to let go of all the crap other people put me and my loved ones through. But to do this I've always needed a reason...even if it isn't necessarily true. When I don't or can't think of one, I get frustrated and let my anger eat away at my insides.
Is it even possible to truly forgive someone? If so, what does it look like? Do we actually have to forget in order to forgive someone, or can we remember and simply find a way to let it go?
Any thoughts?
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